Show with Sparta!!!!.........THE WIZARD CLIPS ARE HERE..........Beck Makes Sexy Photos?!?

Hello friends-
I am so amped to announce that we will be playing a one off show with our old friends and tour mates Sparta!! The show is at UCLA on May 2nd and all the info is on our myspace page. Supposedly the show is for UCLA students only, but I also heard today that tickets will be available to everyone on the day of the show. Either way, don't miss this show cause like Sparta slays and we will do our best to keep up with them.

In all honesty I will be fine if no one shows up for this show because I just want an excuse to hang with these guys again. I am gonna bring tons of alcohol to make sure that Jim gets nice and toasty and proceeds to tell me hours of stories. Jim Ward is honestly the best storyteller I have ever met. He makes me want to build make shift hobo fires wherever he is so I can warm my hands and listen to tales of his fascinating life. It is so ON!!

Speaking of Sparta, I have finally taken this time off to do a little research on this King Leonidas fellow that everyone has been saying I look like....um......

............uuuuhhhhhhhhh.........What can I say? I don't see the resemblance so much in the face, beard, or hair, but other than that it's a total dead ringer!! We look like brothers...........That is totally what I look like when I slay lions.

I found this awesome clip when I was searching for scenes from "The Wizard." I totally forgot that I was like three seconds away from making this my Senior Quote in my High School yearbook.

Can you imagine how stupid I would have felt? Looking back on my high school memories and being reminded of what a total idiot I was. I am so happy that I went with a quote from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey instead!!

I just posted a bunch of new dates on our myspace and they are gonna keep on coming for the next couple of days. Our little two week tour with Sirens Sister and Cavil At Rest is totally gonna have no days off!!! I am thrilled because I hate days off....it just gives me more time to look up super stupid shit.........
Can you imagine a grown up human being actually writing the script for this movie? Is it just me or is that the most romantic scene in the history of all Cinema? How is it that I was in love with Jenny Lewis when I was like five and am now 25 and am still in love with Jenny Lewis. Weird right?

Our drummer Beck has taken up a new interest in photography and has asked me to post some of his super awesome compositions here. These pictures are really nice and they fool me into remembering tour as a long, dusty winding road of happy memories and cowboy sunsets.



This picture makes tour look like a Parisian still life.....which of course it is.


If I was actually looking for Diesel I would be way pissed that that sign is like 100 percent illegible. It is a nice sign though.




There I am, King Leonidas in the flesh!

Fuck all the haters and mad love to the skaters. Tell all the bro's to kiss my ass
-brian

Home At Last!!!.....McDonalds Double Cheeseburger Officially Banned By Lola Ray Van LLC......Sweet Tunes For Sweet Dudes

Look at this thing!!! Honestly....stare into the eyes of this beautiful beast. This piece of total rectal trash has reeked havoc on Lola Ray for far too long!! I won't take it anymore! I know that it is only $1, but seriously. We have returned home today from an eternity of touring with full on rotten internal structures and weakened bone marrow. We are pudgy and doughy and move like bloated sea lions now. The biggest toll this garbage piece has taken is on our new bass player Chris. It has single handedly destroyed his optimism for touring, music, life and caring. He started the tour out as a novice and we introduced him to the double cheeseburger with real enthusiasm. We said "Listen Chris. This hamburger is gonna be your best friend on tour. It is one dollar and will fill you up for exactly 6 and 3/4 hours. It will always be by your side and will never let you down." Yesterday he said "Fuck the double cheeseburger. I hate this piece of trash. It makes me sweat pickles and I see Ketchup stains in my nightmares." I am so so sorry Chris. We never should have done this to you. You were such a good kid and now you just wanna......




I would like to thank the following CD's for keeping us sane and keeping us reminded of why we love music;

The Oohlas lent us this record and we "accidentally" forgot to give it back. This CD is so good , but it is kind of cheating to have Paul Simonon play bass for your band. It is like asking Michael Jackson to be your back up singer or something. Either way, this disc got played more than any other on this tour.

Modest Mouse has been my hands down fav since senior year of high school and "The Lonesome Crowded West" collided and first introduced me to the sweet feelings of being totally pretentious. I have never been a Smiths fan so I was kind of indifferent to Marr's involvement in the record, but this CD is 100% the shit! If anyone tries to even holler "sellout" over this CD I will straight up octopus whip a punk for talking total nonsense!!

I never really liked Kings Of Leon and am not quite sure if I do now, but either way this CD is way good.

We were really lucky to play with these guys in Salt Lake City the other night and I was totally into this band. When we put in the CD the next day we were jealous of ourselves for getting to play with such a great band. They are out on tour with Mute Math right now. They are a total mash up of early Weezer, Pavement and Elliot Smith. A pretty yummy mash up if you ask me.

So we are officially home for the next month and I can't ever relax, so I will be posting this piece up like crazy. I probably won't have anything interesting to say, but I will milk the humorous moments of our last voyage for all they are worth. Coming up in the next blog week is the highly publicized "Interview with our Bass Boy Chris Upton", a fabulous string of text messages that is simply entitled "LA in a nutshell.......Are you the owner of Sky Bar?" and a little gem I am working on called "Lorelai Gilmore I think I love you."

Stay tuned and prepare for the boredom to take control......
-brian

SPRING IS HERE!!??!!.......Photo tour of La Crosse, Wisconsin....Dear weather man, Snow is WAY SATANIC!!!

So here's the deal. If one more person tells me "I don't know what happened. It was 70 degrees and sunny here yesterday" while I rub snow from my dampened curls, I will kill someone. We have honestly been in a snowy hell for the last week and it is horrible. The other night I turned on CNN and the leading story was all "A COLD SNAP HITS THE MID WEST AND EAST COAST" and I was all "Sucks to be them" and then I was like "Oh crap! I am an idiot! I am in the east coast and mid west! No wonder I am watching CNN in a parka."

The other night we played in the charming and quaint village of La Crosse, Wisconsin. I was immediately struck by the signage in this town and immediately went on a photographic scavenger hunt of some of the best signs I could find.

I am totally enrolling in the scientific college of beauty barbering next semester. It is perfect for the man who has a more than passing interest in science but a true calling for beauty barbering.


I like that they totally re worked the marque at this hardware store to give top billing to the varathane wood stane that they just got in.


It doesn't get much better than "We hav great donut." My immediate response was "Really, only ONE great donut?" Just priceless, and for some reason I love that the bakery is named Consumers.

Even Lola Ray got in on the La Crosse sign craze as we were immortalized in the venue window with one of the most psychedelic posters I have ever seen. This poster is so hot! It is totally the same color scheme as Bubble Yum Cool Burst!

Oh La Crosse, I could stare at your signs for days!

Chris met the easter bunny in Chicago!! He is totally humping the good bunny's leg.....


I think this might be the scariest photo ever taken of me. I would like to thank Beck for making me stand in a creepy alley so this photo could happen.


This is what John and Beck look like when they are scared!






By the way, I totally wasn't kidding about the Lola Ray tattoo photo post. We are gonna document every beautiful piece of Ray inspired ink. This sweet piece is from tonight's show in Omaha. I totally thought this picture was Sharpie when I saw it, but it's not. This is the second tattoo in like a week!


Last night we all watched an American Gladiators re run on ESPN Classics in the hotel and were blown away by the shows poor production value and mediocre athletic performances. I remember this show being full of real Gladiators and really great clothes.

So the tour has been really great but definitely REALLY long to. I think we all have some pretty crazy California fever and can't wait to get back. Personally I am going straight back to MALIBU if you know what I'm saying (just watch the video!!!)
See you there!!
-brian

Day off in New York......We are tourists in our own city.....Starbucks is for junkies and me!!!

I lived in Brooklyn for three years and I am still a tourist in New York. I can't help it, everything I love in the city just happens to be what everyone who visits from Ohio happens to love too. When I was living in New York I clocked serious hours at Central Park, ate dinner in little Italy and most importantly I spent every afternoon at my favorite Starbucks in the whole universe!

This is the Starbucks at St Marks and 3rd ave and it is like heaven on earth to me. I initially sought it out when I moved from California because it is the only Starbucks in the city with an outdoor patio. I soon found out that New York has a bitter pill that they call winter, but still I sat outside in the freezing cold and snow. I would sit here for hours filling notebooks with observations about all the junkies that have permanent residency at this place. The junkies here became the center of my own imaginary universe and I chronicled their lives. I still have no idea why junkies love sitting at Starbucks so much, but it is a passion that we share and who am I to judge anyone else for pursuing a lifestyle that I hole heartedly condone. I once saw a fight here that toppled into a bus stop and eventually into the street, but for the most part these were a peaceful people who mostly enjoyed McDonalds, Sparks, and borrowing my cell phone. Anyone who tries to claim that Starbucks is destroying the city can just march on down and check this place out for a bit of old time New York charm.

It should come as no surprise that my favorite restaurant in New York is actually just a stall of vending machines. This place is what I picture Japan to be like, except in Japan you can buy everything from vending machines like cars, boats, haircuts and really great style. Oh wait, I don't think they have boats in Japan cause they have had hoverboards over there for like fifteen years already. In the future there will be a more efficient way of delivering Chicken Pot Pie Kroket, but in the meantime this will totally do...

And for those with a more mature pallate, I give you Roast Pork Bun out of a vending machine. Its basically the culinary equivalent of buying a tuxedo at Target.


For the ultimate tourist experience, I took Beck and Chris to Magnolia cupcakes in the west village. We waited in line behind bridge and tunnel housewives who had just been to a taping of the Martha Stewart show and I was once again in my element. We chatted about Rachel Ray and how we were totally "cheating" by having cupcakes.


The other best part about being back in New York is getting to see all my favorite New York friends. We spent the day with ex-bassist James and he is doing great. He has been spending his time cultivating an active caterpillar on his upper lip and somehow becoming smarter than he ever was.

He came out to the show and met our new bass player Chris and it was like a beautiful passing of the torch. Stay tuned for a hard hitting expose all about Chris. I think it is gonna be called The Man, The Myth, The incredible groomed facial stubble...


Last, but not least, there is a new rule here at The Lola Ray Blog Headquarters International. All those fine Lola Ray Tattoo's now get immediate entry into the blog and all the acclaim that comes with such recognition. Here is a sweet new piece from the show in Chicago, displayed next to John's magnificent ink

Peace out all you fine stallions. I am gonna sip my Green Tea Frappucino Double Blended Creme and watch The Outsiders with my man Beck.
-brian